I'MA FUCK AROUND AND BARF!

TO: WHEN I COME BACK LIKE JORDAN, WEARING THE 4-5, FUCKING UP KWAME BROWN FOR THE FORESEEABLE FUTURE AND BUILDING HOMELESS SHELTERS WITH ALL THE FUCKING BRICKS I'M PUTTING UP.
FROM: MY HAIR HURTS
RE: EVERYTHING IN ITS RIGHT PLACE



















SO LET ME ASK YOU. DID I MISS THE FUCKING MASONIC RAP ILLUMINATI MEETING WHERE WE DECIDED THAT THERE WERE REQUIREMENTS FOR THROWING SHOTS AT SOMEONE? WAS THERE A FUCKING QUORUM?

WHY THE FUCK IS KAY SLAY TELLING LIL' WAYNE HE CAN'T GET A LITTLE ORNERY WITH YOU?! YEAH, I KNOW YOU WERE IN ST. TROPEZ PLAYING PUT-PUT WITH KENNY CHESNEY OR SOME SHIT. BUT THE WORLD KEEPS TURNING EVEN WHEN YOU'RE SNORKELING.

TO SUMMARIZE: BIRDKISSER BASICALLY SAID, HIP-HOP DOESN'T NEED SAVING. YOU'RE THE GOD. BUT STAY IN THE CLOUDS. THEN HE SAID HE WAS BETTER THAN YOU.

MEANWHILE, IN MANIC RADIO PERSONALITY LAND, KAY SLAY GOES OFF SAYING OF WAYNE, "YOU DON'T HAVE THE AUTHORITY TO GO AT JAY-Z..." TO WHICH HE ADDED, "AND I'M NOT EVEN A BIG JAY-Z FAN."

PUTTING OUT THE MOTHERFUCKING STREETSWEEPER VOL. 2...THAT'S OFFICIAL LICENSE TO BRACE MOTHERFUCKERS ON INTERNET RADIO AS PART OF YOUR DAILY BREAKFAST. BUT LIL' WAYNE NEEDS TO SHUT THE FUCK UP?! OK! COOL. JUST WANTED TO IRON OUT THE ORNATE REASONING! NO DOUBT, AT THAT VERY SAME MOMENT, SOMEWHERE IN BROOKLYN, PAPOOSE SCRAPPED HIS JAY-Z DISS RECORD THAT WAS COMPOSED ENTIRELY OF FUCKING PALINDROMES.

WAYNE IS BETTER THAN YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT THAT FUCKING GOOD RIGHT NOW! YOU MUST KNOW THIS. OTHERWISE WHY WOULD YOU SPEND THE THIRD VERSE OF THE 'LOST ONES' VIDEO LOOKING LIKE YOU WERE A TEN YEAR OLD GIRL AT A SPELLING BEE!?

BUT BACK TO THE POINT: WHAT THE SHIT IS UP WITH, 'YOU HAVEN'T EARNED IT.' HIP-HOP IS ALL ABOUT SLAYING THE FUCKING FATHER! RAKIM BODIED A WHOLE FUCKING DECADE OF RAPPERS WITHOUT SAYING A SINGLE NAME!

WEEZY, WHETHER YOU THINK HE'S THE BEST RAPPER ALIVE OR NOT, HE'S MADE THE GREAT AMERICAN RAP LEAP. YOU MADE IT (DEBATABLE AS TO WHEN...VOL. 2 TO VOL.3? DYNASTY TO BLUEPRINT? WE CAN TALK ABOUT IT AT THE SPOTTED PIG LATER). GHOST MADE IT. IT'S NOT JUST ABOUT A LEAP IN TALENT OR SKILL ON SOME, YO, HOW THE FUCK IS CRAIG BIGGIO HITTING 40 HOMERS WHEN HE LOOKS LIKE LIL MAN FROM WILLOW SHIT. I AIN'T TALKING ABOUT PUTTING SOME OF THAT CREAM AND A BIT OF THAT CLEAR ON YOUR RHYMEBOOK, G. OH RIGHT, YOU DON'T WRITE. YOU RECITE. FORGOT THAT 60 MINUTES SHIT.

NAH, I'M TALKING ABOUT THE MOMENT WHEN A RAPPER BECOMES THE MOMENT (MARINATE ON THAT SHIT!). IT'S THE POINT WHERE HE UNDERSTANDS HOW GOOD HE IS, WHAT HE MEANS TO PEOPLE, BUT AT THE SAME TIME SEEMS COMPLETELY UNSHACKLED FROM ALL THAT SHIT. ID! EGO! IT'S LIKE A FUCKING CANIBUS SONG!

ALL I'M SAYING IS DON'T BE SO SENSITIVE, DEATH CAB FOR CUTIE! WHEN JAYO FELONY TOOK A SHOT AT YOU WHAT DID YOU DO? SHOVED BLEEK OUT THE BOOTH (AN UNREMARKABLE OCCURENCE, I BET) AND THREW SOME SUB ZERO SHIT HIS WAY ON "1, 2, Y'ALL." IF WAYNE WANTS TO FUCK WITH YOU, DON'T ACT LIKE HE NEEDS TO FILL OUT SOME FORM IN TRIPLICATE. HIT HIM BACK! OR DON'T PAY ATTENTION TO THE SHIT AND GO BACK TO CHECKING THE AMAZON COMMENTS FOR KINGDOM COME! BUT IF YOU PIC UP A MIC, YOU GET TO SAY YOUR PIECE. GOT TO. IT'S AMERICA, MAN.