Wednesday, April 18, 2007

HANNAH AND HER SISTERS




TO: HIT A U-TURN, DROPPING HER BACK HOME
FROM: THE SPORTSWRITER
RE: THE GREAT SUBURBAN SHOWDOWN IN THE SKY

KIMORA: So, look, it was what it was. And because of that I'm willing to let it off the leash a little.

TYRA: Take it for a walk, Bitch!

KIMORA: Right!? But don't tell me that shit isn't self-indulgent. If I want to watch an hour of new-money, mid-life suburban malaise...I'LL TURN MY FUCKING SECURITY CAMERA ON! Okay!? Staring at a lake? It's called Independence Day! I read that shit in hardcover. Watching a bunch of peolple play Monopoly?! I'm busy! Child-labor scandals, marriage shit the bed, Djimon Hounsou keeping me pigeon-toed.

TYRA: The. Collected. Stories. Of. John. Cheever.

KIMORA: POST-WAR AMERICAN LIT. Hit the Learning Annex!

BEYONCE: I thought it was...fluid.

KIMORA:
You read that on a blog!? Look, these things end...

TYRA:
Life, love, art...

KIMORA:
That's what I'm saying! Who doesn't run out of things to say!? I mean, look at rap; how long can you do that shit for before you become irrel-

TYRA:
[LOUD COUGHING] Is it just my anti-psychotics talking, or is Eddy Curry LOOKING. GOOD.

KIMORA:
What did I tell you about dating post-players.

BEYONCE:
How you doing, Baby?

JAY:
Hmm?

TYRA: Jay, you having a good time, Honey?

KIMORA: Is somebody a little borrrred?

JAY: Heh [SIGH]...Actually, you know, I'm gonna bounce...

BEYONCE: Baby!

TYRA: Uh-oh! Somebody's a cranky pants!

JAY: Yeahhhhno. Um, nah...just...I just got this text from Fab, he...um, needs me for something in the studio...

KIMORA: Who's that again?

TYRA: Oh, bitch don't even play: "I'm tryna get in and out of your room/ Just to get/ IN AND OUT OF YOUR WOMB" [hi-five]

BEYONCE: Baby, I thought you said you were shunning him?

JAY: Well, it's not really him...I mean, it's his session, but Just needs me to re-wire someth....He needs me to check something in his shared drive for Pro Too...I gotta go.

BEYONCE: I'm gonna see you later, right?

JAY:...

JAY:...

BEYONCE: Shawn?

JAY: [exhale] A...ffirmative.

[JAY stares at Steve Francis for a moment]

BEYONCE: I need more organic honey.

JAY: I'll tell Bleek. Ladies...

TYRA & KIMORA: Auf Wiedersehen/Ciao....

[fin]





6 comments:

T. said...

Genius

brandon said...

this is hilarious.

Passion of the Weiss said...

"I need some organic honey"

"I'll tell Bleek."

Brilliant.

becky said "GABE SAID WE'RE INTO MOVEMENTS" said...

PLEASE TELL GABE TO TELL HIS WEBMASTER THAN KIMORA DOESNT LOOK FOLDED-UP LIKE A GIANT HUMAN SPIDER

mega said...

ahha that shared protools shit

Moondog said...

Yeah, genius. Sure and all. Swell. But it's May now, innit? New month. Tomorrow, anyway. Shall we hear the good news soon? Some update. Some of us are impatient. Some of us: Nothing left to live for?