Wednesday, November 29, 2006

STATE PROPERTY III

THIS TIME EVERYTHING IS ON THE LINE

Three notorious gangsters wage a bloody battle for supremacy in the City of Brotherly Love.

Lunatic ...














...the imprisoned kingpin and hometown drug lord, struggles to keep his renegade CNBC Crime Syndicate on the map. He is driven and consumed by a festering hatred for his longtime rival...

Blood Rush...




















...the Harlem-born hustler, is also the top dog in town. His Parachute network is unmatched in cash-flow and manpower. With a long list of enemies seeking territory and revenge, the self-proclaimed "cakeaholic..."




















is forced into a vicious war.


Loco...
















...the flashy Miami playboy, is about to be released from prison. His deep pockets and stellar reputation prove to be valuable tools in Loco's plot to take over the streets of Philly. But he must first overcome the ghosts from a turbulent past...














Somewhere, buried deep within the ranks of one of these gangs, a ruthless criminal mastermind is conspiring to take them all down.

Tuesday, November 28, 2006

DREAMS OF FUCKING A COCAINE DEALER




























AAA+++, WOULD BUY AGAIN
! THANKS!


TO: HE WHO OVERCHARGES US FOR WHAT THEY DID TO COLD CRUSH
FROM: JUST NOW LEARNING THE SHIT THAT YOU TAUGHT
RE: WHAT WE TALK ABOUT WHEN WE TALK ABOUT DRUGS

TO QUOTE YOU: "Y'ALL RESPECT THE ONE WHO GOT SHOT WHILE I RESPECT THE SHOOTER." I WAS JUST WONDERING, DID YOU LEAVE OFF THE FOLLOWING BAR WHERE YOU ALSO POINT OUT THE MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF DAP YOU GIVE RAPPERS WHO WEAVE UTTER FUCKING SCI-FI?
PICTURE RICK RIZZLE, SITTING IN HIS HOUSE, SURROUNDED BY BALLED UP PIECES OF NOTEBOOK PAPER.
WHAT WAS THAT? OH...YOU THOUGHT HE WAS WRITING RHYMES!!!!!??!?!? SHIT, MAN. I'M SORRY. NO, WHEN YOU GET TO RICK'S AESTHETIC TAX BRACKET YOU JUST GOTTA LET THE MUSE COME TO YOU, DOGGY. CAN'T HURRY THAT SHIT.
ROSS WAS JUST BEAN COUNTING, TRYING TO MAKE ENDS MEET.
SEE, HE NEEDS 10 MIL A YEAR JUST TO GET BY. AND HE DON'T MAKE 10 MIL OFF MUSIC. GET ME? AND HE LIVES IN MIAMI, NAHMEAN? IT'S CLOSE TO SOUTH AMERICA, DIG? HE'S FOUND A WAY TO SUPPLY THE DEMAND OF M.I.'S ACTIVE LIFESTYLE GLADIATORS.
AND HE WROTE AN ALBUM ABOUT IT.
BUT HERE'S THE THING. WHEN YOU TALK ABOUT CHILLAXING WITH CHRIS AND PALTROW, I THINK IT'S MAD DUMB. BUT I BELIEVE YOU. SOMETIMES I DO A LITTLE MENTAL GYMNASTICS AND IMAGINE YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT THIS CAT...












CHRIS...PA...ALMOST! ANYWAY, THE POINT IS, YOU'RE BEING A SQUARE-G WITH A DUDE.

LET'S SAY ALL RICK'S SHIT ABOUT NORIEGA BEING INDEBTED TO HIM (EVEN THOUGH ROSS WAS 12 WHEN N.O.R.I. WENT TO FEDERAL) IS REALLY AN MC RUNNING IN THE BEAUTIFUL MEADOW OF LANGUAGE.
WORD, WORD, ARTISTIC LICENSE, THE POET AT WORK. SURE THING, DUKE. I WOULD TOTALLY AGREE WITH YOU, EXCEPT THIS CAT'S MAIN CONTIBUTION TO THE GAME HAS BEEN RHYMING 'ATLANTIC' WITH 'ATLANTIC.' SO IF YOU'RE TELLING ME HE'S USING ICONIC FIGURES OF THE DRUG TRADE TO ESTABLISH HIS BONA FIDES, YOU GOTTA SELL THAT SLUSHY TO ANOTHER FUCKING ESKIMO.

THE ONLY THING DUDE IS STEPPING ON IS FUCKING REALITY. I'M NOT SAYING HIS MAN ISN'T DOING LIFE FOR RUNNING AN EMPIRE. OR THAT HE DOESN'T HAVE VARSITY LETTERS FROM SOME PRETTY SERIOUS SQUADS. AND, NOW THAT WE'RE REALLY CHOPPING IT UP, IT'S NOT LIKE I WANT SOME HAND-HELD, PURE FUCKING TRUTH IN BARS. IT WOULD BE PRETTY WEIRD IF PORT WAS LACED WITH TRACKS LIKE, "FUCK! I CUT MY FINGER! AGAIN!" OR "WHEN I SAY 20 MINUTES, I MEAN 2 HOURS" OR "DON'T ASK HOW IT'S POSSIBLE FOR ME TO HAVE JUST LEFT MY HOUSE WHEN I TOLD YOU I WAS ON THE FDR AN HOUR AGO." SOME OF LIFE'S MINUTAE DOESN'T NEED TO BE FROZEN IN RHYME.
BUT COME ON. SAYING NORIEGA IS IN YOUR DEBT OR SAYING YOU STILL GOT DUDES WHO REALLY DEAL COCAINE...SHUT THE FUCK UP! DON'T INSULT EVERYBODY'S INTELLIGENCE. IF HE'S SAYING, 'I GOT THE EVANSTON, WYOMING BATHTUB METH GAME ON LOCK!" I WOULD TAKE HIS WORD ON THAT. BUT I HEARD TELL THAT MIAMI-DADE LAW ENFORCEMENT, WHEN NOT DIPPING TO CUBA WITH GONG-LI, ARE SOMEWHAT AWARE OF THE CITY'S DRUG PROBLEM! YOU WOULDN'T HAVE TO GO DOWN ON A JUDGE TO GET A WARRANT ON DOUBLE R.
HE'S SAYING, 'IF YOU WANNA GET HIGH IN DADE COUNTY THEN YOU MUST SEE ME.' HE MUST BE RESPONSIBLE FOR AT LEAST 3 OF PARIS HILTON'S PLASTIC SEPTUMS. FUCK ALL THAT! I DON'T GIVE A FUCK ABOUT THE VERACITY OF PEOPLE'S COKE RESUMES.
BY THE WAY: I FULLY ADMIT TO FETISHIZING COKE USE AND DEALING. AND I'VE GIVEN MYSELF CARPAL TUNNEL CELEBRATING A TON OF MUSIC THAT HAS SOMETIMES/OFTEN (YOU DO THE ZOGBY SHIT) ROMANTICIZED A FUCKING MULTI-DECADE CANCER THAT'S KILLED MORE PEOPLE AND RUINED MORE LIVES THAN MOST PEOPLE ARE COMFORTABLE EVEN THINKING ABOUT. THAT'S ON ME. MAYBE ONE DAY I'LL HAVE TO STAND TALL BEFORE THE MAN. MAYBE NOT. THAT'S MY FUCKING JOURNEY, BLIZZARD-MASTER.
LET'S ALL SHARE THE UNDERSTANDING THAT 12 YEARS AGO THE STUFF YOU KICK WOULD BE CONSIDERED SO OUTLANDISH IT WAS CALLED, "SPACE SHIT" AND PRODIGY WOULD BE LIKE, 'DON'T EVEN TALK TO ME WHEN YOU SEE ME.' AND THAT MOTHERFUCKER IS ONE BOUNCED CHECK AWAY FROM THE TOURING PRODUCTION OF LIGHT IN THE PIAZZA!


LASTLY, I JUST WANTED TO MENTION: I'M NOT ONE OF THOSE WHITE BOYS WHO THINKS EVERY WORD PUSHA SAYS IS LIKE UNFUCKWITHABLE GOSPEL...WHAT'S SO FUNNY!?...BUT THIS (COURTESEY OF THE LANDLORD):

"I CAN'T TELL YOU WHO WAS REPLACING HIM BECAUSE HE'S STILL LIVING AND I AIN'T TRYING TO CATCH NO CASE FOR HIM."

I'M NOT EVEN BUZZING THE TOWER OF THE USS STOP SNITCHING. BUT A GOOD RULE OF THUMB IS IXNAY ON THE SELF-INCRIMINATION. DON'T BE YOUR OWN:

Saturday, November 18, 2006

BOO, TAKE YOUR COAT OFF, YOU CAN STAY FOR A MINUTE!





TO: YE WHO WOULD NOT CHANGE FOR NO PAPER, WHO LIVED FOR THE LOVE THE STREETS, WHO RAPPED TO THE RUGGEDEST BEATS.

FROM: THE MAN WAITING FOR THE ALLHIPHOP ALERT THAT READS. 'JOE BUDDEN IS BACK! MAGIC CITY NON-PLUSSED!'

RE: AND WHO WILL SPEAK FOR THE TYUS EDNEY'S?

NEW JERSEY MAKES. YOU SAY SHIT LIKE, TRU LIFE'S "ALBUM IS COMING TOGETHER."

THE OTHER DAY I FOUND MYSELF IN THE DEF JAM BOILER ROOM, LOOKING FOR A COPY OF CORMEGA'S THE TESTAMENT...YOU KNOW...FRIDAY NIGHT LIGHTS AND SHIT. AND WHO SHOULD I COME ACROSS BUT THE GARDEN STATE GARDENERS OF RHYME: JOE BUDDEN AND REDMAN...

RED: YO, B. WHEN DID MY LAST ALBUM DROP?

JOE: I KNOW, PA. I FEEL YOU. IT'S LIKE YOU CAN'T EVEN REMEMBER.

RED: NO, KID. THAT AIN'T A RHETORICAL QUESTION. I SERIOUSLY DON'T KNOW.

JOE: RIGHTRIGHT. JUMP OFF'S BEEN IN LINE AT THE TOLL BOOTH FOR A MINUTE.

RED: I BEEN ON ONE SONG THAT DEF JAM PUT OUT THIS YEAR, DUKE. AND IT'S ON GHOST'S SECOND ALBUM OF THE YEAR! YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?

JOE: THAT YOU'RE FEELING IGNORED, LIKE THE WORLD IS INSENSITIVE TO YOUR EXISTENCE, THAT THE WALLS ARE CLOSING IN?

RED: NO! IT MEANS DEF JAM PUT OUT AS MUCH MUSIC BY CAPPADONNA AS THEY DID BY ME! REGGIE NOBLE'S PISSED!

JOE: OK.

REDMAN: DON'T GET IT TWISTED. I LOVE STARKS, YOU KNOW? "AIM AND COUGH! TRAINED TO BRAWL. TRAINING BRA!" BLAOW!

JOE: GHOST CRIES.

RED:...

JOE: YOU GOTTA STAY BUSY, NAHMEAN. HIT THE MIXTAPE GAME. GET ON THEM REMIXES. I DID THAT GWEN STEFANI JOINT-

RED: WORD?!

JOE: NAH. BUT MY MANS GOT AN MP3 AND I PUT 16 ON IT! IT WAS FIRE! THAT'S HOW I'VE BEEN DEALING WITH ALL THIS STRESS, MAN. MIXTAPES. I GOT THE WORST OF JOE BUDDEN, MOOD MUZIK 1, MOOD MUZIK 2. AND NOW JUMP OFF'S WORKING ON A COUPLE NEW JOINTS: INTERIORS, I GOT THIS SHIT WITH DJ ON POINT CALLED WINTER LIGHT. JUMP OFF EVEN GOT ONE CALLED FIVE EASY PIECES. THAT SHIT IS ABOUT ALIENATION, YOU KNOW? GOT A LINE LIKE 'ALIEN NATION JUST LIKE LOU GOSSETT.' IT'S REALLY MORE LIKE A SKETCH, YOU KNOW? JUMP OFF LACKS A LITTLE CONFIDENCE.

RED: YOU'RE REALLY THE ONLY DUDE I KNOW WHO CALLS HIMSELF 'JUMP OFF.' I COULD CARE LESS. BUT THAT'S KINDA WEIRD, B.

[JOE LOOKS OFF TO A POINT IN THE DISTANCE, BITING ON HIS LOWER LIP]

RED: YOU DO YOUR THING, KID. I DON'T NEED MUCH. EVERYBODY KNOWS THAT. I GOT A CELICA WITH A SEGA WELDED TO THE DASH. MY MAN PLAYS SHINOBI IN THE WHIP. BUT I GOT A DIVERSE AUDIENCE. I SEE EM AT SHOWS. THERE'S STONERS, SPALDING GRAY FANS (GOD REST YOUR LIFE), THE X-GAMES CATS, DUDES WHO STILL ROCK TIMS & CARHARTS. AND THEN THERE'S ERICK SERMON! THAT'S A DEF SQUAD!

JOE: HAVING SOME SORT OF SUPPORT SYSTEM IS IMPORTANT. I TALK ABOUT THAT ON THE 8-MINUTE SCOTT STORCH JOINT FROM MY ALBUM. IT'S ABOUT THE CYCLICAL PATTERN OF VIOLENCE THAT EMERGES FROM AN ABUSIVE HOUSEHOLD. I TOLD JAY IT SHOULD BE THE SINGLE.

RED: WHAT HE SAY?

JOE: WELL, I DIDN'T [AIR-QUOTES]"TELL JAY"[/AIR-QUOTES] TELL JAY. IT WAS MORE LIKE LEAVING A MESSAGE FOR HIM. ON HIS OFFICE LINE. WHICH ODDLY ENOUGH IS THE SAME AS A RANCH 1 ACROSS FROM PORT AUTHORITY. BUT I GUESS THAT'S WHY HE'S THE BOSS, RIGHT? THAT KIND OF VISION IS RARE. KEEPS US HUNGRY.

RED: YOU SAY FOOD? LET'S RUSH JUSTIN'S, I COULD EAT A FUCKING HOLE THROUGH A BUFFET TABLE. AND I THINK PUFF MIGHT COMP MY SHIT. HE OWES 20$ FROM '98.

JOE: OK, YOU KNOW...I'LL HEAD OVER WITH YOU AND JUST CATCH THE PATH. IT'S HARD FOR ME TO BE IN CROWDS.

Thursday, November 16, 2006

YEAH I'M THREATENING YA ! I KEEP HEDGE FUNDS!






TO: RAP'S GRATEFUL DEAD
FROM: THE DUDE NO PRISSY CHICKS WANNA FUCK WITH
RE: I'VE BECOME SO NUMB

THIS BEING SOME WEB 2.0 SHIT, BUT YOU PROBABLY BEING BUSY FAST FORWARDING THROUGH JOE BUDDEN'S LATEST DEMO, I THOUGHT I WOULD TAKE THE LIBERTY OF RESPONDING FOR YOU. THIS IS OF COURSE ASSUMING THAT YOUR RESPONSE ISN'T TO SEND MEMPH OVER TO THE CRIB TO OPEN BEER BOTTLES ON MY CHIPPED TOOTH. AHEM:

"WHY CAN'T I ENJOY, AND RAP ABOUT, THE MINUTAE OF MIDDLE AGE AND THE GLORIES OF THE FREE MARKET!? I DON'T MAKE THREATS ANYMORE! I BUILD BRANDS, BITCH!"

WORD. I AM A FIRM BELIEVER IN THE "YOU DO YOU" WAY OF LIVING. IF YOU WANNA MAKE AIMLESS, ARTLESS, EDGE-FREE RAP SHIT THEN BY ALL MEANS, GO FOR YOURS. JUST ONE THING, THOUGH:

I WANT TO LISTEN TO SHIT LIKE THAT ABOUT AS OFTEN AS I WANT TO READ ONE OF JOHN "BALLS-AND-MY-WORD" UPDIKE'S ELEGIAC ACCOUNTS OF SOME BASHFUL 60-YR OLD ENGLISH PROFESSOR J-O'ING TO THOUGHTS OF WOMEN'S TENNIS. OR AS OFTEN AS I PLAN WEEKENDS AROUND FOLIAGE. OR AS OFTEN AS I LISTEN TO BLACKAFUCKINGLICIOUS!
CHECK IT: NPR RAP? WHATEVER GETS YOU THROUGH THE NIGHT, HOMIE. IT AIN'T MY THING, BUT IT STILL HAS THE CAPACITY TO BE GOOD SHIT. MAYBE. BUT THIS:

'I DIG A HOLE IN THE DESERT, THEY BUILD THE SANDS ON YOU, LAY OUT BLUEPRINT PLANS ON YOU. WE RAT PACK NIGGAZ, LET SAM TAP DANCE ON YOU"

YEAH IT'S ABOUT BODYING DUDES AND BUILDING CASINOS OVER THEIR MAKESHIFT GRAVES. BUT IT ALSO MAKES OTHER RAPPERS GRAB THE MAC FROM THE BACK OF THE AC AND FUCKING KILL THEMSELVES BECAUSE THEY WILL NEVER SAY IT BETTER. 40/40 CLUB'S APPETIZERS? SOME CONVO YOU HAD WITH THE IDIOT FROM MAD MONEY? WHO GIVES A SHIT. BUT RESPECT YOUR PAST FUCKING DARTS. YOU'RE MAKING ME FEEL LIKE I GOT ALZHEIMERS UP IN THIS PIECE.

BUY KINGDOM COME AND GET A FREE FUCKING TOTE BAG!






































TO: JAY
FROM: THE GUY WHO ACTUALLY SAID TO HIMSELF, "534 IS KINDA GOOD!" AND THEN ALMOST THREW UP IN HIS OWN MOUTH
RE: GOOD CREDIT AND SUCH

SO LET ME SET THE SCENE, BROSEPH. CUZ I THINK I FIGURED OUT WHY YOUR ALBUM IS SO DISTINGUISHED FUCKING GREY WITH A SODA ON THE SIDE.
SO YOU'RE IN BED WITH B. SHE'S IN AN AMBIEN COMA HUMMING SONGS FROM YENTL AS SHE DREAMS ABOUT UNICORNS AND SHIT.
WHICH IS GOOD, BECAUSE SHE DOESN'T BUDGE WHEN YOU WAKE UP IN A STATE OF UNHINGED TERROR, SHAKING AND SWEATING.
YOU THROW ON THE SLIPPERS AND GO TO THE KITCHEN, SCROLL THROUGH THE CRACKBERRY. RICHARD JEFFERSON WANTS TO KNOW IF YOU STILL MIGHT BE ABLE TO PUT A 16 ON HIS DEMO. GOTTA REMEMBER TO IGNORE HIM NEXT TIME YOU GO TO THE MEADOWLANDS. AND THEN THERE'S ONE FROM REDMAN. HE SAYS HE'S GOING TO KILL YOU.
YOU GRAB A YOPLAIT AND GET COMFY ON THE OTTOMAN. YOU'RE TRYING TO PARSE THE NIGHTMARE YOU JUST HAD. IT'S THE ONE THAT HAS BEEN HAUNTING YOU SINCE YOU RETIRED. FOR A SECOND YOU GET DISTRACTED, WONDERING IF YOU SHOULD GO TO THERAPY. IF THERAPY IS GROWN AND SEXY. BUT YOU DON'T NEED LORRAINE BRACCO. THE DREAM IS SIMPLE. IT BETRAYS YOUR GREATEST, DEEPEST FEAR.
IN YOUR DREAM, YOU ARE NAS.
YOU PUT OUT ALBUMS AND NOBODY CARES. YOU START BEEF AND NOBODY GIVES A SHIT. SIRIUS DOESN'T GET BACK TO YOU ABOUT HAVING YOUR OWN SHOW. YOU CALL NEW ALBUMS SHIT LIKE, STILL PLENTY OF REASON TO DOUBT. DJ DRAMA TELLS YOU HE'S "CRAZY BUSY." YOU DON'T OWN SUMMER.
BECAUSE THAT'S WHY YOU ARE PUTTING THIS SHIT OUT, RIGHT? IT'S NOT REALLY SOME FUCKING TAX BREAK FOR ISLAND. IOVINE ISN'T PAYING YOU TO COCK-BLOCK JEEZY. AND IT SURE AIN'T BECAUSE YOU HAVE A LOT ON YOUR MIND.
THE REAL REASON YOU COPPED HALF-A-DOZEN DRE BEATS THAT COULDN'T MAKE IT ON TO AN EVE ALBUM IS THAT YOU COULD NEVER ACCEPT THE IDEA OF NORMAL. THAT YOU WOULD PUT OUT AN ALBUM AND CATS WOULD BE LIKE, "COOL, BUT I HAVEN'T LIKED HIS LAST 4 ALBUMS THAT MUCH. I'LL RAPIDSHARE THAT MOTHERFUCKER."
YOU HAD TO DO A DOUBLE CD, FOLLOWED BY YOUR LAST ALBUM, FOLLOWED BY YOUR COMEBACK. JUST LIKE YOU HAD TO DO A FINAL SHOW, FOLLOWED BY A REASONABLE DOUBT SHOW, FOLLOWED BY THE I-DECLARE-PEACE SHIT.
SO WHAT'S NEXT? DEATH? IT'S COOL. IT WAS ALL A DREAM.

Wednesday, November 15, 2006

ONCE MORE, THIS TIME WITH BANGERS





TO: GOD MC
FROM: THE BOSWELL OF S.A.N.T.A.N.A.'S TOWN
RE: NO FUCKING MULLIGANS

REMEMBER WHEN T.I.'S ALBUM LEAKED LIKE 9 TIMES AND DUDES WERE LIKE, 'YO, TIP IS GIVING BIG KUNTRY HIS OWN FUCKING SONG!? SHINE ON YOU CRAZY DIAMOND!" BUT REALLY CLIFF WAS SAYING, "YOU WANT THAT JAMIE-FOXX-WMD-SHIT? BEST BUY AT BEST BUY, D-BAGS!" HE EVEN PUT OUT THAT MIXTAPE WITH DRAMATIC AND CALLED IT THE FUCKING "LEAK." LOL! BUT THEN KING CAME OUT AND WE ALL NODDED AND LISTENED TO IT AND PRETENDED IT WAS BETTER THAN IT WAS! MY FUCKING PARADIGM SHIFTED. WHAT YOU KNOW ABOUT A MILLION AND A HALF SOUNDSCAN?
ANYWAY, I HEARD THAT THE KINGDOM COME I HEARD IS NOT THE REAL SHIT. OR THAT YOU ARE GOING TO BE MIXING SOME CAM BEEF IN WITH THEM GRIMEY-ASS CRATE AND BARREL CUTS. WELL, AT LEAST THAT'S WHAT THE INTERNET TOLD ME.
I'M JUST ONE IRISH-JEW IN THIS FUCKING COLD WORLD, DUN. YOU COULD MAKE A RAP OPERA WITH SHOWBIZ & AG AND THAT STILL WOULDN'T DIG YOU OUT OF, "WE HAD TO SPLIT UP LIKE BEN AND J-LO." DID YOU SCRIBBLE THAT SHIT ON A COCKTAIL NAPKIN AT SOHO HOUSE IN 2002!?!!? DID YOUR BOOTLEGGER JUST GIVE YOU COPY OF JERSEY GIRL!?!? THERE'S A WAR GOING ON OUTSIDE, B!
IF THIS SHIT ABOUT THE FAKE LEAK IS TRUE, I HOPE IT MEANS YOU'RE DROPPING THE "MILKSHAKE (FIRE ISLAND REMIX)" USHER SHIT. THAT SHIT IS FELONIOUS.
BY THE WAY, HDNET IS UP A POINT AND A HALF. HOLLER AT YOUR E-TRADE WEED CARRIER. YOU FUCKER.

Monday, November 13, 2006

CALCULATE THE JUMP TO HYPER-SPACE







































TO: S-DOT
FROM: THE WHITE DUDE WHO WROTE BLEEK'S BIO
RE: YOU GOING BACK TO ST. BART'S

JAY- THIS IS CALLED, "SPACESHIPS ON BANKHEAD." I DIDN'T NOTICE ANY OPPORTUNITIES FOR PRODUCT PLACEMENT (OTHER THAN POSSIBLY DRUGS…AND SPACESHIPS) OR ANGLES WHERE YOU COULD CROSS-PROMOTE THIS SONG WITH NASCAR. BUT IT IS STILL SOMETHING YOU MAY WANT TO TAKE NOTE OF AS A FINE EXAMPLE OF "RAP MUSIC" THAT "RAP LISTENERS" MIGHT "LIKE" AND "PLAY MORE THAN ONCE" FOR OTHER REASONS THAN "MAKING THEMSELVES RECONSIDER THEIR YOUTH."

ANGLE THE DEFLECTOR SHIELDS.